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austin_dern

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Oct. 26th, 2012

Release Notes, Hello World version 9.4.2

System Requirements

Your system should include a brain, a central nervous system, skeletal and muscular systems, and at least one mind working according to an accepted theory of such. Sight, hearing, and a sense of whimsy are optional but recommended. Installation requires privileges and a willingness to put up with four hours of error messages written in what, after rot-13 filters are applied, turn out to be equally likely Farsi or vi commands.

Installation

Installation should be done only on a clean system. Begin two to three hours ahead of computer use time by stepping into a bathtub or high-pressure multidirectional shower stall, using the neighbor's if necessary. Wash first with plain soap, then with shampoo, then with scented soap, then with a skin moisturizer, then with conditioner, then with plain soap again, throwing the neighbors off the scent, and vice-versa. Use no towel: allow yourself to drip-dry using only plain wood clothespins to attach you to the line or the curtain rod, which should be stainless steel and better-attached to the walls than it actually is. Following dryness (allow 45 to 115 minutes for this, then start blowing over damp patches) ponder the nature of cleanness whilst inhaling, holding one's breath, and exhaling slowly. Finally remove your computer from the dishwasher. If any piece of the computer glows while it is turned off, hide behind a sofa or task chair. Wind chimes are not necessary but will aid in driving away certain kinds of Indonesian demons.

New Features and Enhancements

9.4.2 Typo in ``world'' fixed.

9.4.1 Comments threading re-enabled. Smileys no longer crashing software.

9.4 New graphic interface implemented. Comments threading disabled for security.

9.3.3 Crashes when printing German, English really fixed. Undocumented Polish ``Hello'' removed as un-maintainable.

9.3.2 Crashes when selecting French output fixed.

9.3.1 Crashes when selecting English output fixed.

9.3 Daylight Saving Time implemented. ``Hello, world'' message can be printed in English, French, or German.

9.1 Comments threading removed from shared web site procedure to one in-software.

9.0 New codebase offers support for non-English output. 8.3 file limitation removed.

8.2 Complete rewrite eliminates smiley option crashes. Unreleased.

8.15 Animated smiley options no longer crash when exclamation point selected.

8.1 Animated smiley options no longer crash when comma, period selected.

8.0 Smiley options now animated.

7.4 Smiley options include smile, frown, growl, sneer, and sardonic grin.

7.3 Smiley option no longer crashes software.

7.2 Smiley option added to end of ``Hello, world'' comment.

7.1 Semicolon, question mark options now work.

7.0 Preference panel restored to allow selections of comma, semicolon, colon; and of period, question mark, and exclamation point.

6.50 New desktop icon should avoid jokes about what chipmunk appears to be doing.

6.13 Software version number corrected.

6.11 Web site URL corrected.

6.1 Comments threading divided off into shared-commenting system based on web site scheme. Text no longer runs outside display boxes to the left, down.

6.0 Complete rewrite of code for better maintenance and customizability.

5.05 Comma restored and world capitalized.

5.04 Unreleased.

5.03 World in lowercase again.

5.02 World capitalized again.

5.01 Bug fix restoring appearance of ``Hello, world'' output.

5.0 Complete rewrite of code for better maintenance and security.

4.27 Easter egg removed to comply with new municipal contract specifications.

4.25 Picture of winning sandcastle included as easter egg.

4.2 Comments threading enabled again following new sandbox model installation.

4.1 Comments threading disabled due to security issues.

4.0 Comments threading enabled underneath program output.

3.51 Old-fashioned checkboxes restored following user complaints. Text no longer runs outside display boxes.

3.5 Checkboxes replaced with slightly rounded-corner figures.

3.2 Preference panel restored with new concept in checkboxes.

3.1 Preference panel disabled.

3.0 Preference panel set to allow selection between period and exclamation point.

2.0 World no longer in uppercase.

1.20 Error message no longer uses old-fashioned graphics.

1.00 Official release adds comma, reduces exclamation point to period.

0.91 beta Removed comma from middle of sentence.

0.90 beta Added exclamation point to end of sentence.

0.20 Type no longer runs outside display window.

0.11 Crashing problem fixed.

0.10 Prints ``Hello, World'' on applicable screens.

Trivia: From October 1942 to 1944, ink sales in the United States tripled. Sales for Parker's Quink (drying by absorption rather than evaporation) rose 800 percent. Source: V Was For Victory, John Morton Blum.

Currently Reading: All The Best Rubbish: Being An Antiquary's Account of the Pleasures and Perils of Studying and Collecting Everyday Objects from the Past, Ivor Noël Hume.

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