Clear the decks! Clear the tracks! You've got nothing to do but relax

From: flightnews@upperairlines.com
Subject: UPA8100 Flight updates now available.

Thank you for signing up to receive e-mail updates on any changes to your forthcoming flight UPA8100 from Salisbury, North Carolina to Plattsburgh, New York. We send our smuggest condolences to you on the occasion of whatever life choices have forced you to fly from Salisbury, North Carolina to Plattsburgh, New York, this Friday departing at 5:42 am and hope you enjoy leaning your forehead on our new comfort-rated windows just cool enough to make lifting your head feel like too much work.

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From: flightnews@upperairlines.com
Subject: Flight Delay - UPA8100 departing at 5:56 am

Due to delayed crew arrivals at our Hartford, Connecticut, branch facility flight UPA8100 will now be scheduled to take off at 5:56 am. Please be at the airport before it takes off as this simplifies boarding procedures.

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And the rest of this epistolary japing is over at my humor blog, which I hope you enjoy. Also run this week were:

• Squirrel Improv Update, in which the achievements of the backyard squirrels in comedy have an unpleasant side effect
• About The Spider-Man Comic Strip, because an already-dumb story strip manages to reach a rare pinnacle of dumb and I had to lay out exactly how stupid it was
• Some Ineffective Ways of Treating Colds, a quick guide for the afflicted
• Another Round Of Dream-Based Apologies, because apparently my subconscious sees the need to screw things up; please don't be afraid of Gilbert Gottfried here
• Forms Of New Jersey Local Government (1), potentially the start of a string in which I explain how townships are organized in my home state
• Breaking Mythological News for everyone who wants to hear the latest myths

Trivia: In 1935 Italian futurist architects Filippo Marinetti, Angiolo Mazzoni, and Mino Somezi proposed building a linear city with three parallel sections stretching across the breadth of the Italian peninsula: one strand for residences, one for commerce, and the third for industry, with roofs reserved for airplanes, featuring brightly-colored airports at 50-kilometer intervals. Source: Naked Airport: A Cultural History Of The World's Most Revolutionary Structure, Alastair Gordon. (Man, of all the Silver Age Comic Book Style municipal proposals floating around in that era --- a period that also gave us the Midtown Manhattan Skyscraper-Top Airport --- this is certainly one of them.)

Currently Reading: Robbing The Bees: A Biography of Honey, The Sweet Liquid That Seduced The World, Holly Bishop.