For the will-be that was

[austin_dern]

A dear friend, butterfluff, has died. I never met its player, but that's no great distinction anymore; love is easy and doesn't much care about place.

Perhaps two years ago I took the time to go around to many of the people I love, and telling them just how I feel, and how happy knowing them makes me. It was a bit disconcerting; some of them I suspect thought I was readying to say goodbye, and I didn't know how delighted I would feel saying it. I don't remember who I told; I didn't try to make a formal list, just told people as I saw them, and I didn't log the events; some moments have to be free. I dearly hope Butterfluff was one of the people I told.

Butterfluff had many wonderful qualities. It was a source of energy, a catalyst to creativity, a person who could catch on to your thoughts and play them back, and amplify them, and leave them more colorful and more alive. And it had a wonderful ability to understand what you were thinking, sometimes before you were fully aware of the idea.

I recall one quick exchange between Butterfluff -- who was genderless -- and Leslie -- a cute, polite bunny-child who insists on addressing adults as Mister or Misses. ``You don't have to call me Mr Butterfluff,'' it explained; Leslie was barely done sweating at the notion when it said, ``No, I see that you do.'' And it proposed the wonderful construction ``Mr Mrs Butterfuff'' -- or Mrs Mr -- and left them both rather happier. It's probably not coincidence most of the really marvelous, magical, special nights on Spindizzy were ones with Butterfluff near the core, playing the keyboard as if singing a life.

One of the handful of serious conversations I had recently with Butterfluff was about its concern that it had lost the lighthearted, whimsical, foolish sides it had originally planned for the character; it was supposed to be childlike in a way. Butterfluff was worried that in being so emotionally supportive, so important to others, that it'd lost something. I didn't believe it had then, and I still don't, and I hope it felt a bit better for our conversation. And I'm happy that (through tinyplot complications too involved to explain) I was able to adopt Butterfluff as family on Spindizzy.

We skeleton-less elastic types have to support one another, after all.

Trivia: The last first-class French warship powered solely by sails was constructed in 1847. Source: Manet and the Sea, Juliet Wilson-Bareau and David Degener.

Currently Reading: Ascending, James Alan Gardner.

Comments

[blither.livejournal.com]

I am so very sorry to hear this. The fluff was one of my favorites. =/

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

I know. It's just not fair. I hope Butterfluff realized how many people were happier for knowing hir.

[blither.livejournal.com]

I do too.

You know you're one of my favorites, right? =D

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Thank you. You're one of mine, and I'm sorry I don't get to tell you that often enough.

[chefmongoose.livejournal.com]

I never did meet this individual, but I am sorry that you've lost a friend. I did Smile at the Mister or Misses story.. reminded me of Kittel's insistence on that, though he never had to deal with the non-gendered. It's an elegant solution mentioned, though.

--Chiaroscuro

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you missed a really wonderful person ... sie was really special.

There was one other night, it was after the big get-together, and the crowd had sort of dwindled to Butterfluff and a few others, sitting around sharing poems and songs and doggerel, some made up on the spot, some quoted from other writers. It was just that sort of beautiful, goodnatured, gentle night where it feels like the differences between minds gets wiped out, and you become part of a community. It wasn't created solely by Butterfluff, but sie certainly made it grow.

[dglenn.livejournal.com]

Butterfluff's player was one of the people who introduced me to filk (http://www.radix.net/~dglenn/defs/filk.html), a long, long time ago, and gave me a copy of hir already voluminous filk book shortly thereafter.

That wasn't the most important aspect of our relationship, but it was the beginning.

I'm running out of words. I mourn.

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Butterfluff didn't introduce me to filk, but song was a constant part of our relationship. Usually with me listening; I don't have the knack for it myself.

We're having a memorial for Butterfluff on Spindizzy Wednesday evening (US Time) ... I hope I feel better when it's over.