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I don't know if this means anything, or if it ought to mean anything. I came home a bit after dinnertime from some shopping and found one of the stove's burners had been left on. It was on quite low, and the flame wouldn't attract much attention in the not-quite-sunset light, but my parents had finished dinner and put dishes in the sink ahead of going to the dishwasher. Probably it's meaningless. The natural state of affairs is to forget small, unimportant chores and in the natural chaos of getting dinner ready turning off the burner that something was kept warm on would be an easy thing to overlook, and after dinner likely neither parent had reason to look at the stove. And yet ...
There are several reasons I haven't moved into a place of my own. One is symbolic; as long as I'm staying with my parents I'm implicitly not admitting that I'm out of academia and working for a small database-based company, instead of just resting there between positions. And I know my next real move is to the house I set up with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bunny_hugger, and any other place I might rent is a delay on that. But there is this small practical thing ...
If my parents start to slip, I'm certain neither of them will notice it in themselves. It's hard to imagine in yourself, and easy to rationalize away if you do catch yourself forgetting something, and I know my parents' stubbornness. I also know they might recognize it in each other, but won't accept the other's diagnosis. My father refuses to believe I can see how offended he is by my WiiFit exercise, and that's transparent. When the family stubbornness goes up against that, imagine the case to be made for ``you're forgetting to turn the stove off''. Somebody has to be the reasonably independent witness.
And yet ... this is a trivial mistake. It's one I remember making myself a couple times. It probably doesn't mean anything. I just ... see one possible future in it, one that weighs heavily on me.
Trivia: Attempts to explain the ``railroad neurosis'', of passengers who survived accidents without physical harm nevertheless suffering mental harm, in the 1860s through 1880s tended to fall into the categories of either a simulated, as in pretended, ailment in the hopes of victims claiming compensation from railroads; or else ``railway spine'', microscopic deterioration of the spinal cord due to the accident. Source: The Railway Journey: The Industrialization of Time and Space in the 19th Century, Wolfgang Schivelbusch.
Currently Reading: The Winds Of Time, Chad Oliver.
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(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-13 12:22 pm (UTC)I understand this worry, but you have to go live your life. I know myself by the time I turn 50, Mom may no longer be able to live successfully by herself. That's enough years away that I'm getting out to have my independence now. ... sort of. (See: K arriving in my apartment the same day as I moved in.)
You also have the benefit of siblings somewhat nearby, who can also keep an eye on things. It's not all got to be your responsibility.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 03:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 04:26 am (UTC)Check back with me in 10 years and see how things are going, but right now, I'm mobile-enabled if need be. Austin rather is too, even if I understand his trepidations.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 12:38 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-22 08:33 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-26 01:38 am (UTC)That makes for pretty good coverage. Right now my sister-in-law spends roughly all day instant messaging my father, so she should be able to watch for signs of anything alarming in him that don't relate to household routine. (Also my father visits one or more times per week, since he honestly thinks he lives near them and doesn't realize it's an hour plus each way.) Getting coverage on my mother is harder as she figures there's no need for any Internet contact which isn't e-mail, thank you, and she'll answer that at her leisure. I admit I do that too, but at least I muck.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 12:43 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 03:48 pm (UTC)My parents have made it clear, abundantly, that it's not my obligation to stay around. I'm going to take them at their word if I ever have good enough reason to move.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-16 04:41 am (UTC)You're right; that isn't any farther than I'd be, moved to the logical place for me to move. Hm.
My parents have made no explicit statements about anyone's obligations to be anywhere, with the footnote that my father has said that when the kids tell him he shouldn't drive anymore he promises to stop driving.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 12:51 pm (UTC)I don't want to make it sound like I am lingering with my parents at the sacrifice of my independence; as a practical matter we live basically as independent roommates and the only real points of conflict are over living room television control and how loud it can be at night, and whether there can be lights on anywhere in the house. But as long as it maker only a little difference where I do live I appreciate that I can keep an eye on my parents as we enter a new and scary phase of life.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-13 07:53 pm (UTC)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BEQcloH0eY
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 12:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-13 08:28 pm (UTC)*sigh* it's a scary thing to accept, but they will undoubtedly watch out for each other. Otherwise I recommend you visit the library and pick up a book on caring for aging parents if you're starting to see signs that they require additional supervision.
heh, keep that one out of sight, though.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-09-14 12:26 pm (UTC)