Oh, you never would believe

[austin_dern]

Inside a package of Fantastic brand Cheese Rice Crackers: a bag of silica gel desiccant, with the warning ``DO NOT EAT.'' As if somebody would eat a package of rock candy-like crystals from a bag of crackers. The crackers were okay, a bit spicy with not enough cheese, and the geisha on the package looked somehow like a cartoon Robert Benchley.

Also recently Jeffery Koh set a new world record for ``eating three cream crackers in the fastest time,'' 14.45 seconds. The previous record-holder was the United Kingdom's Ambrose Mendy, at 49.15 seconds. I don't see what takes so long; I must be missing something in the crackers.

The reason there've been so many odd world record attempts lately is that the consulting company Record Breakers Singapore is deliberately organizing these. There were nine other Obscure Record Attempts alongside Jeffery Koh's, including ``fastest drinking of a 397g bottle of ketchup through a straw'' (ick!), ``speaking the greatest number of words backwards in one minute,'' and ``eating the most (chocolate) Smarties by chopstick in three minutes.'' I haven't found a complete list, or accounting of how many succeeded.

A cable-modem glitch put me offline. I almost caught up on e-mail. My oldest letter's a week old, down from six.

Trivia: In 1861 the South Carolina Railroad carried 213,763 persons and missed advertised connections ten times. Source: Railroads of the Confederacy, Robert C Black III.

Currently Reading: Lethe, Tricia Sullivan. Gene warfare so accelerated speciation and mutation one of the lead characters grows dolphin-like skin as she showers ... so ... what was the problem, besides the Star Trek DNA?

Comments

[barberio.livejournal.com]

A full cream cracker is three inches by three inches. And very very very salty.

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

All right, that makes it more challenging, and I can see how eating 27 square inches of salty cracker in 15 seconds would be a challenge ... I never got into the stuff-food-in-my-face thing. I come from a big family, so I eat faster than normal people, but I just don't try eating as fast as humanly possible.

[porsupah.livejournal.com]

Unless they've changed, I don't recall Jacob's Cream Crackers being salty at all, thereby compounding the problem - once chewed up, without anything else, it'd probably be like chowing down on a tablespoon of flour.

I need to look up the location of the salivary glands again, and see how they actually function. ISTR there were a couple locations, including under the tongue.

I wonder what the saltiest food (as sold, or typically prepared) is? Anchovies must be up there.. might have to discount condiments, else things like soy or Worcestershire sauce would probably walk away with the top ten.

[xolo.livejournal.com]

Japanese pickled plums are catastrophically salty. Many Mexican snack foods are literally crusted with salt. Green olives are always highly salty - if you let the juice evaporate, it forms big platey crystals in the bottom of the dish.

So far as the dessicant packets, camera equipment from Japan has had those little 'Do Not Eat' packets since the mid 1970s, at least. They used to be a source of never failing humour when I was in high school.

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

I'd just like to figure out the trait which makes people toss desiccant packages in their kitchen drawers, rather than throwing them out. I can't think what they ``might be useful'' later for.

[oliver-otter.livejournal.com]

I use them inside the waterproof housing for my camcorder, to prevent condensation. It's possible to re-use them for a while by microwaving them repeatedly in short bursts of 10 seconds or so, until they stop puffing up with steam. But eventually the stresses of being used or nuked ruptures a seam on the Tyvek package. So I wind up needing a new one every so often.

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

I've never given my camera that sort of care, though come to think of it I do have a little fridge for film and cameras and such -- part of the deal they gave me when I bought my digital camera. I'm ashamed to say I haven't used the fridge for anything but more counter space.

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Oh, Jacob's Cream Crackers, those I know. They're in the stores. I can get some and figure out how earth-shattering the record is.

I don't see offhand a record of what the saltiest food might be, but we'll see. Something must turn up.

[gafennec.livejournal.com]

[i]Railroads of the Confederacy[/i]?? Woot! I'll need to read that some day.

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, it's a fascinating book -- well, it was first published in 1952 and it's still in print; that alone says something about its value.

There's some kind of morbid comedy involved in it, though ... they had no ability to construct, repair, maintain, or really service any railroad tracks or engines; coordinating railroad lines was like herding clouds; there were basically no trunk lines going from one major city to another; not only were gauges all over the map, some railroads managed to build separate ends of their own line to different widths; and yet somehow they stumbled on with the rails year after year, far past any sane endurance.

To give some idea, at one point not only were some lines using ``strip rail'' -- a thin ribbon of metal, not sticking up and shaped like modern rails are -- but they were taking strip rail that had been ripped up because it was worn down past the point it could be ridden safely, and re-laying it. No choice.

[gafennec.livejournal.com]

That was because the south was by temperament very independent. Which when you look at it was a major reason the south lost the war. Each state was too bull headed to really, really coordinate with a national government. To which I honestly must add, Thank God. I'd rather live in the United States than the Confederate States...even if I am a southerner. :D

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Oh, if you think the states were cranky and uncooperative, you have no idea what you're in for with the railroad lines.

Personally I'm glad the South lost, but I'm awestruck by the determination and ingenuity of people who kept it going against such insane logistical problems.

[gafennec.livejournal.com]

We can be a stubborn lot. :) I'll need to see if I can find and borrow the railroad book. All phases of the ACW interests me. It'd be fun to see what the book has to say compared to the first hand accounts I have read. :) Thanks for mentioning it!

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Well, the Troy Public Library has it (in fact, some of the Troy colleges get thanked for help in the research) ... but I don't know about places closer to you. That's where I found the book in the first place, mind ... I got my copy from Amazon, I think.

[gafennec.livejournal.com]

I'll wait till I got some pennies to spare. :D I waited this long; I guess I can wait 40+ more years. :D

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I suppose so ... still, I'd put it on the Kitsmas List.

[gafennec.livejournal.com]

Oh, I got it on my fishlist at amazon.com. Meaning that I'd be sleeping with the fishes if I ordered it now. :)

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Well, that's no good. You'd get the pages all wet.

[gafennec.livejournal.com]

True and the fishes can't read anyways.

[chefmongoose.livejournal.com]

As if somebody would eat a package of rock candy-like crystals from a bag of crackers.

That's things in lawsuit-land, but I find this highly reasonable packaging. There's not much else you'd want to put on that desiccant package, after all.

--Chiaroscuro

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Oh, the warning's perfectly reasonable; if it weren't labelled any person would reasonably guess it was some sort of spice to be added to the crackers. I just question the absurdity of putting something specifically not to be eaten in a food package.

I guess it's nice to keep the rice crackers dry, but do they need to be that dry?

[porsupah.livejournal.com]

There's not much else you'd want to put on that desiccant package, after all.

Oh, I don't know.. a good joke, maybe? Bill Gates' ATM card PIN? A list of George Bush's self-admitted mistakes?

[austin-dern.livejournal.com]

Well, perhaps. Remember whatever you put on has to be copied over in Japanese and Korean, though.