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austin_dern

July 2025

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Some more amusement parks have called off their 2020 season. One is a park we went to, but not for long enough. One's an aspirational park. The one we spent a half-day in is Funtown Splashtown USA, in Saco, Maine. We picked up a quick visit there as part of the New England Parks Tour, back in 2016. Te aspirational park is Dreamland, in Margate, England. That one particularly we want to visit as it spent nearly a decade defunct and returned from that, amazingly. And it, too, has a roller coaster turning 100 this year: Scenic Railway, one of the few roller coasters to still have a brakeman governing the speed. (It coincidentally also has a roller coaster named Pinball X, for a bonus attraction.) Legoland New York is also postponing its debut season although I didn't have any feelings about that park yet.


So to a park that hasn't yet announced it's giving up on 2020. We made our usual embarrassingly late first trip of the year to Michigan's Adventure for the last day of August 2018. We picked that because of a nice convergence: the long summer hours and gradual shrinking of summer day meant we'd get to visit the park at twilight and night. The park doesn't have lighting, and doesn't really operate at night, so these are always special visits. Here's how that went.

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Entrance gate to Michigan's Adventure. They had added foolish metal detectors so that entrance to this low-key family park could be annoying and needlessly slow.


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View of the Mad Mouse coaster through the trees leading to it.


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And here's a photogenic spiderweb placed in front of the Mad Mouse roller coaster.


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Those two trees flanking the Mad Mouse exit were planted about the same time. Apparently the planter supposed that something would be done before the left tree would grow into the roller coaster track.


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People getting, technically, a walk-down from Mad Mouse. The roller coaster was having a lot of trouble operating, and several times they had to stop the whole thing. So here people in the brake area before the car returned to the station.


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Goats! Michigan's Adventure got a petting zoo in 2016 and we like visiting that maybe more than anything else in the park.


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The little goat on the right was spending his day preventing anyone from going up that little bridge. This until one of the big goats went and trapped him on the bridge instead, which is a lesson about not pushing a bit too far.


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Big brown goat has seen this all before and knows how it'll turn out.


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And here, the Jim From The Office (Goat Edition) looks to camera.


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``Are you sure this is a good idea, Remley?''
``Of course it's a good idea, Phil!''


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Goat wants to know if I'm paying attention. Here's my album cover for the set of pictures by the way.


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``Sir, are you aware that you're a llama?''


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Bunnies! Among their petting zoo animals is a collection of rabbits.


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Rabbit gives one ear up to [personal profile] bunnyhugger's review of the hay.


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``Excuse me? Did you have a question?''


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Rabbit comes forth to ask if there's something specific that she can help me with.


Trivia: The initial selling price for a PDP-1 was US$120,000. Source: A History of Modern Computing, Paul E Ceruzzi.

Currently Reading: Love Game: A History of Tennis, from Victorian Pastime to Global Phenomenon, Elizabeth Wilson.

And a few more Funtown Splashtown USA pictures to coax you into reading about my mathematics blog; how's that sound?

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The Camelot Bridge, entrance to the part of Funtown Splashtown USA with the Excalibur roller coaster. The lions and the shield look to be gold-leaf at least, and brilliant in the sunlight.


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The actual official Photo Spot by the Exalibur station. The station and the spot for buying ride photos and gift shop and all that are heavily done in the Medieval Castle Except In Teal style.


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The Excalibur station, as seen from leaving the ride. Each row has its own name and shield; if I remember right we rode in Sir Perceval. If I don't remember right, it hardly matters.


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Animal friends come running for the decorative Spinning Teacups ride! A view of some of the park statues. They're more common near the edges of the current park.


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Funtown Splashtown USA's ``Classic Carousel'', a modern-issue Chance fiberglass carousel. It has got a Stimson Band Organ, although sadly on the far side of the ride from the entrance so it's hard to see. Not hard to hear.


And now mathematics blog contents for those who missed them each day or on RSS or whatnot. There's been:

Trivia: Proctor & Gamble introduced Tide laundry detergent in 1946. It outsold other brands by 1950. Source: The 13th Element: The Sordid Tale Of Murder, Fire, and Phosphorus, John Emsley.

Currently Reading: Hacking Matter: Levitating Chairs, Quantum Mirages, and the Infinite Weirdness of Programmable Atoms, Wil McCarthy. So far I'm not buying it, but I'm sad Omni wasn't around to illustrate it all.

Let's get around to some pictures, starting with Funtown Splashtown USA. We didn't get into the Splashtown area, though I assume all of it was in the USA.

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Tickets! I have an irrational love for parks where you get real actual tickets printed on card stock. The time stamp on this indicates the register at the Biddeford Saco (Maine) Chamber of Commerce was running on Atlantic Time, or else over-achieved for Daylight Saving Time. The date stamp also indicates they record stuff British-style there, since we went in early August.


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Excalibur! From the parking lot you get tempting views of their wooden roller coaster and its attractive station. To the right of the picture would be the lift hill, with a warning from the king to not stand during the ride.


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An actual honest-to-goodness Photo Spot. There's also one by the Excalibur station. That one hasn't got any dragons, Chinese or Otherwise, near it. The sidewalk goes underneath the dragon's central arch.


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Bumper car ride at Funtown Splashtown USA. We didn't have time to ride, alas, but I love the well-kept styling of the older building and a name that I'm assuming they put on the ride during the brief Laugh-In revival in 1979.


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Funtown Splashtown USA's Wild Mouse roller coaster. I particularly like the calypso-tree lights and am sorry not to have seen this in the dark. It's at one far end of the park, overlooking trees that suggest you're at the end of the world.


And, of course, it's time to review my humor blog posts of the past week. These have included:

Have my humor blog on your Friends page? No, probably not, but you could if you wanted. Have it on your RSS feed? I have no idea because it is RSS and this is 2015. Well, it's an option.

Trivia: Paris built new city walls in the 1830s. Source: 1848: The Revolutionary Tide in Europe, Peter N Stearns.

Currently Reading: Overthrow: America's Century of Regime Change From Hawaii To Iraq, Stephen Kinzer.

PS: Mean Green Math Likes Me. Just sayin'.

We got up after not really enough sleep --- blame the flight crew arriving late; another hour and a half would have really set us up right --- and made our twisty, turning, occasionally lost despite the satellite navigator to the Saco, Maine, tourism office. The free local weekly, unafraid of giving in to stereotype, had a front page article about mischievous beavers building too many dams for what humans wanted out of the local rivers. The tourism office was selling discount tickets to the local Funtown Splashtown USA park. There was a small party ahead of us buying tickets too, although somehow they were complicated about it.

Funtown Splashtown USA park was one of the parks [livejournal.com profile] bunny_hugger discovered while planning the trip. We figured since we were passing within miles of it, it would be silly to skip the park altogether. It had, the Roller Coaster Database said, just the two roller coasters; surely we could drop in for a couple hours and get a good sense of the park, especially if it wasn't a crowded day.

It was a crowded day. We got to the park --- bigger and more lush than I had imagined --- a little after opening and there were long lines to the entry gates. We saw people buying tickets at the gates and asked, well, we have tickets, can't we just get our wristbands without waiting for mobs of ten people to figure out they need to buy ten wristbands? (Yes, some of them are seniors, and some kids, but how is ``the number of tickets you need'' always a hard thing for groups of people to work out?) No; buy your tickets at the gate or ahead of time, you still have to wait through the same line. So our first impression of Funtown Splashtown USA was that it needed some real operations work. C'mon, guys, one booth for people who've already bought tickets during the morning rush, that's all it takes.

That said, the park was a much better one than we had expected. A bigger one, too. I had imagined something the size of an amusement pier, probably because of the namespace collision with FunTown Pier. This was a nicely sprawling place, building into the woods, with rides laid out in that wonderful haphazard style you got before the rise of 1970s style major theme parks.

Our first ride was the Wild Mouse, a yellow-support, purple-tracked roller coaster that reminded me strongly of the one that used to be at Casino Pier. It's a different model; the superficial resemblances caught me is all. It also has a nice mock-palm-tree light system that made it sad we wouldn't see what it looks like at night. There was also a crushingly long line, not a good sign for the idea of getting a full sense of the park in a couple hours.

We got lunch there. We'd trusted there would be something we could eat at the park, and there were many things we could. In this case it was paninis. Somehow my attempt to order a grilled-vegetable panini was more complicated than [livejournal.com profile] bunny_hugger's grilled-cheese panini, even though the difference was ... well, I had vegetables on top of my cheese. They wanted to know exactly what vegetables which I guess is useful for people who care. There's like four things I won't eat and most of them are squid.

We'd meant to get food and go over to the queue for the other roller coaster, but the paninis and their plates were bigger and more cumbersome than we expected. We should've got wraps. So we sat instead. The real point, though, is that amusement park food is really improving dramatically in quality and in its friendliness to people eating vegetarian.

The other roller coaster is Excalibur, a late-90s wooden roller coaster that keeps bubbling around the top of wooden roller coaster polls. It was designed by Custom Coasters International, which made every wooden coaster for every park in the world from 1992 to 2002, then went bankrupt. Its employees went on to Gravity Group, which has been making wooden roller coasters for every park in the world from 2005 since.

Excalibur is a King Arthur-themed roller coaster, and it's visible from the parking lot, and it looks great. They went a little crazy with the fairy-tale-castle look and the result is well worth it. You even enter the ride area by going through a wooden bridge in the forest, with an overhanging sign and flags and all. It struck me as quite d'Efteling-like in putting such effort into making the ride look good. We'd be seeing a lot of the ride area since the queue was fearsomely long.

We probably spent about forty minutes in line. I forget just how long at this point. It was really long and only one train was running. For the crowd size that was a mistake. But we were jumped ahead something like four or five ride cycles when the operators called out looking for a lone pair of riders for the next train. For some reason packs of people will insist they all ride a roller coaster together, even though it's not like they can talk to each other during the ride. It benefits folks like us who can fit through the cracks, anyway.

The disappointing thing about Excalibur is that we were only going to have time to ride it once. The ride itself was fantastic, with great views, some wonderful air-time moments, magnificent twists and hills throughout the ride. If we had all day at Funtown Splashtown we would have surely kept going on it until we were motion sick. If we had the time. We didn't even have time for a second go-round of this.

Nor did we have time for the Flying Trapeze ride. This is a flying swings ride, but it's got a particular vintage-Americana theme. The only one we'd ever seen like it was at Michigan's Adventure. A fellow who claimed to have designed this particular theme for the ride, back in the 70s, had said that only the one of the Flying Trapeze model had sold. So obviously at some point something mistaken got introduced along the way. But, no time, no time. Also we didn't have time for the Tempest In The Tea Cups ride, a spinning-teacups ride that reminded us of the one at Morey's Piers in Wildwood. These were less elaborately decorated than Morey's Piers's, but still, they looked like real teacups.

We'd also have to skip the Astrosphere, an indoor Scrambler ride. I'd ridden one at Casino Pier; the ride being done in the dark with a strobe light show made the already fun Scrambler ride all the more so. If we had another half hour we'd have gone for that. (The park's web site says the accompany this ride with Electric Light Orchestra's Fire On High which probably goes pretty well.) They also had a casino-themed Trabant ride, as at DelGrosso's amusement park, and too bad we'll miss that. The Thunderbolt, cars going around a rising and falling track while the DJ plays music, we almost got on. It was loading as we were walking past and we figured if we could get it this cycle good, if not, not. We were about five people past that ride cycle. Alas. The Thunderbolt there offers people who have the park's app the chance to request songs to play during their ride. The logistics of this fascinate us.

What we did ride was the carousel. It's a modern, Chance-built carousel, not by itself remarkable. However, it also has a modern band organ, built by ... that company that builds modern band organs. It always sounds good to have a real band organ playing, and this also included a figure that waves a baton. We really have no serious bad things to say about Funtown Splashtown.

Well, they had the Family Guy pinball machine in the arcade, but on the bright side, they had a pinball machine in the arcade. And it was loud enough, in a quiet enough environment, that I realized for the first time that the game uses some sound licks from 1980s pinball games such as Space Shuttle. I must admit: pulling out sound clips from 1980s pinball games means the Family Guy theming was done by someone paying attention to the license.

So, should we ever do a second New England Parks Tour, then a full day at Funtown Splashtown will be on the schedule. We could have spent all day there as it was, but we couldn't spend any more time there.

Trivia: St Louis bridge-builder James B Eads proposed (in 1880) a ship-railway across Tehuantepec, a rival to Ferdinand de Lesseps' Panama Canal scheme. 6,000-ton ships would be loaded into a cradle, riding on twelve rails each five feet apart, and on 12,000 wheels (100 on each rail) drive the 134 miles from sea to sea at a speed of ten to twelve miles per hour. Eads estimated it to cost about $50 million, a third the cost of a Panama Canal. Source: The Path Between The Seas: The Creation of the Panama Canal 1870 - 1914, David McCullough.

Currently Reading: Moscow, 1937, Karl Schlögel, Translated by Rodney Livingstone. In case you weren't sure what kind of a book this is, it mentions Kant twice in the first ten pages.